Savages

The Oxford American College Dictionary that sits on my shelf defines savage thus:

Noun: something or someone uncivilized or uncultivated, characterized by wild, uncultivated, boorish, or rude behavior, a barbarian.

Recently, my youngest daughter remarked that I had eaten something “like a savage.” Neither of us remember the item, but both remember that it was more the manner of eating than the substance consumed. I did not, as Ozzy Osbourne famously did, bite the neck of a live bat during a concert. Nor did I eat only the top of a muffin, leaving the stump for others. Most probable was that I popped an entire Oreo into my mouth and began to chew. 

One of my numerous flaws is that I am impatient. I’m quickly ready to move on to the next thing, even when my current event is eating a delectable Golden Double-Stuf Oreo. (Dude, slow down and taste the filling.) 

In any event, it got me thinking about the term “savage.” We don’t use it that much anymore, except ironically, as my daughter did. Actual savages rarely got to consume Oreos. So, modern savages then. What constitutes a savage in our otherwise civilized world? I present the following list, in no particular order, of savage behavior in modern times. 

Please note that I am fully appreciative of where and how I live; I do not routinely encounter the atrocities of combatants in armed conflict; I rarely have to face down a jaguar in the Pantanal; the most dangerous thing I encountered in my recent African travels was a red-headed flag tailed centipede that crawled into my bag for the trip home. On to the list.

• Failure to use turn signals when driving. This puts other drivers and civilization itself at risk. 
• Intentionally misspelling words to appear cool or cute.  Sorry Nabisco, it should be either “Double Stuffed” or “Double Stuff.” Speaking of stuffing, I can forgive Winnie the Pooh for “Hunny,” he has a head full of stuffing, but A.A. Milne? Shame on you.
• Going 20 mph slower than everyone else on the freeway because you’re looking at your phone. See above. It also marks you as an idiot.
• Taking 37 items through the “10 items or less” line at the grocery story. Either find the right line or use Instacart. You, sir, are an Expresshole.
• Using speakerphone in a store or a restaurant. We don’t care about your conversation. 
• Coming down to the free breakfast in the hotel in your PJs and curlers.

• Eating directly from the family leftover container and then putting the item – fork marks and all – back in the fridge.

• Misoriented toilet paper – In this instance, it appears that I was raised by wolves because this was Thing Number One that I had to change after marriage. TP should, I’ve been advised, roll off the front of the roll, not the back. Once I was apprised of this, I realized that in the toilet-paper-using-world, this is almost universal. Imagine my shock upon seeing this recently – in a professional office environment no less.

What about you? What is a behavior that you consider savage in the modern world?